XKCD – Speed and Danger

This past Friday (1 July 2016) Randall Munroe posted a fairly standard diagram showing the four quadrants of a scatter plot with a few points on it with the axes “Crashes are Safe” / “Crashes are Dangerous” and “Fast” / “Slow”. The points on the scatter plot quadrants are labeled as “Normal Sports”, “Nascar”, “Formula One”, and “Rocket Launches”. Typically one might think of Nascar and Formula One being far faster than “Normal Sports.” In this case though, all things being relatively they’re much slower than “Rocket Launches.”

If we think about it however, accidents that involve Formula One and Nascar typically are fiery and quite dangerous. Rocket Launches though… yeah, they’re dangerous if you think about it as the astronauts are effectively sitting on top of a missile – queue up your favorite Road Runner / Wiley E. Coyote cartoon here. . .
Nevertheless, the humour in this comic to me is more pertaining to the mouseover comic which states, “NASCAR removed the passenger seats because drivers hated how astronauts kept riding along with them and loudly announcing, “Ahh, what a nice and relaxing drive.””
To me this is hilarious… primarily because this reminds me of the comedian Brian Regan in his comedy bit titled “I Walked On The Moon.” In this bit, he details the “me monster” and how Astronauts that were a part of the Apollo program that landed and walked on the moon are able to simply state, “I walked on the moon.”


Banana Slicer

So yes, I’m revisiting this topic that I know is one of the key ones on everyone’s minds these days… “How do we slice bananas with elegance?” Well, if you’re someone that’s always in a hurry, then you’re probably always risking cutting yourself with that sharp Wusthof Paring knife or perhaps finding yourself having unequally sized slices of bananas. Why do that to yourself when you can just use a banana slicer? Yes, a banana slicer… like the Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer (not to be confused with U-571).
Honestly though, I think it’s kind of hilarious that someone has taken the time to build a prototype and put it into production – but similar ot the windshield wiper, where there’s a need, well someone will make a product and sell it to everyone.
Probably more eye opening though is that there are 5,405 customer reviews at the writing of this post with an average rating of 4.3 out of 5 stars. The Apple iPod Touch 6th generation has a mere 534 customer reviews!!!
Of course, if we peel back the cover on this one (pun intended), we’ll see that a lot of these reviews are actually hilarious and more fun to read than probably it is to use the Hutzler 571. Personally one of my favourite comments that was made was by “Hubert” back in December 2012 titled “NOT wifi capable???”

Maybe I’m doing it wrong, but I can’t get this thing hooked up to my wifi network. Am I supposed to slice my bananas over an ethernet cable? What is this, 2005?

Surely such an idea is ridiculous. . . using an Ethernet cable. . . barbarian ideas. Of course there were some technical savvy replies

Bluetooth. All bananas like bluetooth.

Great tip, but is that really true??? Of course basic networking would tell us that sometimes you have to change the IP address of the banana.

Make sure the IP address of your banana is not the same as the IP address of your router. If so, they will not work together. You will need to change the last 3 numbers on the banana.

I don’t even know how I would change the last three numbers. . . am I supposed to use a Cereal (sic) cable to do that? 🙂

Hopefully we’ll get this all sorted out once we have one of these handy dandy Hutzler 571 devices in our workshop. What are your thoguhts?

No parking here…

No seriously. There’s no parking here. Even if you wanted to you can’t and shouldn’t.

Snowzilla dumped ~30″ of snow on Fairfax, VA this past weekend. It led to a lot of fun times shoveling in blizzard conditions, hoping to keep up with the 2-3″ of snow per hour that were falling at one point. It also led to the consumption of freshly baked bread, sitting by the fire and enjoy just pleasant time of relaxing and reflecting.

What it led to most though was school closures across the region as well as two days that OPM closed the federal government in the DC area. School systems like Fairfax county sent a note urging parents and citizens alike to shovel sidewalks. The question we all had for them was “and put it where?”

Sure, plows have been able to press through and create a single lane allowing traffic to pass but the mounds of snow have nowhere to go. And for some, just the idea of unearthing their car is one that brings significant heartache and remorse that they left their car parked outside during the storm…

Mind you that we’re all in this together. The Empire of Snow can only defeat if you give in. Or if you get caught out on the high way while AT-AT’s are clearing the path to domination.

Stay safe friends. Spring is just around the corner.

Stay off the roads already…

If you’re living in the DC Metro region, you may have noticed that all you hear on the news this week is that snow is coming. No they’re not talking about a new season of Game of Thrones and the great Jon Snow. They’re referring to precipitation. 

Earlier this week there was a light dusting of snow. It got ugly as apparently there were over 700 collisions in the state, most in the northern Virginia area. While there are several contributing factors to include everyone being caught off guard by a light dusting on untreated roads which turned icy, in addition to DC region drivers generally not knowing how to drive in the snow unless they’re a migrant from places such as Utah, Pennsylvania, Maine or the great state of Ohio. 

Nevertheless, it took up to two hours for some individuals to go 20 miles. Ridiculous some might say. With the impending doom of the blizzard of 2016 on our doorstep, take a word of warning to stay off the roads… Empire storm troopers will be patrolling local roads in AT-AT carriers clearing roads of vehicles as depicted in the image above 😉

Seriously though, a lot of snow is expected. If you haven’t prepared yet, well there’s still some time but not much. Non perishable items are your best bet at this point along with batteries and a full tank of gas. My prediction is that main roads will be cleared in the next few days but you can expect to get to know your family pretty well these next few days – be safe, stay indoors. 

Who’s Lime is it anyway?

Unsure of how to confess your love to someone? Try this…

  1. Acquire several dozen limes.
  2. Go up to them and then drop all the limes.
  3. Start picking them up, but keep dropping them. The clumsier you look, the better.
  4. Keep doing this until you have their attention (this could take up to thirty minutes).
  5. Finally gather up the limes. Try looking a bit sheepish.
  6. Look them deeply in the eyes and say, “Sorry. I’m bad at Pickup Limes.”
  7. Marry them.

Service Announcement – BaaS

Starting today, I’m announcing a new service offering…

Bacon as a Service or BaaS for short.

You will only pay for the Bacon that you consume. If you require different flavours of Bacon based on your requirements, we can provide you with that Bacon at tiered pricing.

If you consume significant amounts of Bacon. We will lower the price as you consume more during that time period, making use of economies of scale.

If you prefer to bring your own Bacon, we allow that as well, providing griddle space and power to cook your Bacon. Because you’re bringing your own Bacon, the cost is less, but there’s still a cost associated with it as you’re using our infrastructure.

We look forward to serving you the finest Bacon.  Please provide comments as you see fit below.

Getting in the spirit of things…

This afternoon I met up with my buddy Joel and introduced him to one of my favorites, Eggspectations. Definitely fun times to catch up on life from the past few months and exchange a few laughs. When we excited though I had to smile when I saw the car converted reindeer parked near Joel. 🙂