Another Christmas…

Just another Christmas in Northern Virginia with the Ushers… however this one was a little different. Â There were no stockings. Â No cookies or pies being baked. Â No grandiose feast of turkey or ham with all of the fixings. Â Today in fact, in many respects today seemed like just another weekend, except of course that all retail stores were closed.

If you’ve been reading this blog for a while or know anything about what’s actually going on in my life, then you know that my mom passed away on 11 November 2008 due to injuries suffered in a catastrophic car accident a month earlier in South Carolina.

It’s been difficult these past two months, figuring out how to talk to people, how to re-engage people, how to focus, how to protect myself emotionally, and how to feel joy again after having my mother ripped away from my life so unexpectedly.

In my 29 years of life I have witnessed friends go through the hardship of losing a parent, sibling or a loved one passing away… and I would feel sorry for them, not really understanding how they felt or how agonizing the pain was… feeling the anguish and sadness that they would no longer be around, but not having it hit home quite so closely.

I’m pretty certain that I understand now and I don’t like the pain and there’s really nothing that I can say can quench it. Â My prayers for all those that are hurting – I’m here for you if you need to talk.

My sister in law recommended reading When Life Is Changed Forever by Rick Taylor.  It’s scary how he’s able to identify several of the feelings that I’ve had over the past two months.  From the moments where I realize that I’m in denial and attempting to do things that will make me fleet from the pain rather than to face it directly and embrace it.Â

Nevertheless rather than rambling aimlessly… this Christmas day in 2008 I’ve spent mostly reading, reflecting, thinking, wandering, sipping on diet Coke… not the typical Christmas of gathering with family as in years past. Â There’s a deep emptiness that I cannot deny – and while some may say that I should have spent the day with family, I can only say that I need the time away to embrace the pain, refusing to cover up the pain. Â Besides, it’s somewhat difficult to gather together when your family is geographically spread across the mid-Atlantic states.Â

So my Christmas gift to you all is to share with the world the beautiful memorial service to honor mom with the world. Â Thanks to Vimeo.com for their hosting service. Â

Direct link for best quality – click here

http://vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=2632635&server=vimeo.com&show_title=1&show_byline=1&show_portrait=0&color=&fullscreen=1

Memorial Service of Carolyn Usher on Vimeo.

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