I graduated from UVA back in 2001. Six years have passed. Dreams have come and gone and been dashed; some are on the forefront of my mind, others are waning like the moon as glimpses of its crescent flee from sight.
A friend of mine and I talk about dreams and goals from time to time. Whether or not to pursue different jobs and careers, whether to work and travel abroad, whether or not pick up and move to the middle of nowhere for a fresh start. Some of the ideas are fleeting, others are within fingers reach, and others are much like the vapors of man, gone without a trace in an instant.
So what are my goals? What are my dreams? Where am I heading? I quote my brother’s Eulogy of Captain Joshua T. Byers from time to time, making mention of how Josh constantly kept his azimuth and pace count in check with the Word of God. Am I doing this? Is this my compass or am I living by my own means, my own thoughts, my will and not His? Am I living in the past, thinking about things that have happened that didn’t compute? I would idealistically think no as I’ve come to be forward thinking, pushing forward and conquering, pushing aside sedentary tendencies, working to keep my pace in check with His will and not my own. Realistically though, I can say that I am a failure in this, constantly wandering off in a direction counter to where the azimuth would point me, sometimes sprinting, other times just strolling.
The question of course, do I enjoy the dream and essence of the goal, and working toward it, or do I want it in my hands, in my clutch, mission accomplished? What is my motivation?
Far often than not, I would say that having the dream, the passion and rush to push forth toward it is far greater than actually experiencing it. Having the rush of knowing that you’re working toward it, having the dream about what it could be like is far greater than what it could be. Visions tend to always be more grandiose and extravagant than the final product. Those dreams and goals that are so far reaching and idealistic are just that, ideals. They are not meant to be conquered but rather lived up to and with excellence striven toward. Those goals and dreams which are more easily attainable, as accomplished we find to be somewhat of a let down. Furthermore, what’s my motivation? What is it that pushes me toward these goals, is it my azimuth being in line with His will, or is it just me seeing something and feeling something and thinking how cool it would be to accomplish that feat or make that jump?
Should we give up our passions and lay them down as something that can never be attained?
Never. But should we continue to revolve our lives around them, missing the moments and interactions of the day and those around us, hopefully not. I know right now I have several struggles regarding goals and dreams, all of which in some way revolve around me, the azimuth pointing North, and I seem to just be heading West.
Am I deep enough to dream though, and pursue these passions and goals?
I dream in brilliant colors I have never seen. I chase after those colors, hoping to catch the light in my eyes and hold it there forever, clutching the passion, not my own, but His and running with it.
In Chris Rice’s song Deep Enough to Dream, there is one thing that he asks of us about our deep dreams…
“Do I ever have to wake up?”