Plugged in…

Have you ever felt like you’re disconnected? That you walk around, feeling somewhat empty inside, you look around and see everyone having a good time, smiling, laughing, with what seems like no cares or worries. And then I continue to walk through crowd, observing these people and I start to wonder, “why can’t I just let go?” I ask myself this question many times… at a lunch yesterday to say good bye to two people leaving the firm for which I am a consultant a colleague looked at me and said, “You look like you have a lot on your mind… what’s up?”
These are the kind of questions that I typically have no real answer to, mostly because I don’t really know what’s going on in my mind, or my subconcious, rather that like a camera I’m taking in all the sights and sounds, conversations, information that is possible. I focus and tune everything out, only to look like a stone gargoyle on the top of a cathedral, emotionless, frozen in time. So I pose the question to those of you that read this… how can I plug myself back in?

[Listening to: Cigaro – System of a Down – Mezmerize]

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3 thoughts on “Plugged in…

  1. This sucks.. it is 2:50 am and I cannot sleep. The joys of shifting from nights to days….

    Anyway sir. All kidding aside. In reference of being “plugged back in”. I think everyone goes through that in life, except it doesn’t happen only once, it happens several times in life. Use thoughs times to learn about yourself and grow. They are happening for a reason and it is best to look at them in a positive light. Embrace them. That is usually easier when you are looking back at them but sometimes it is better when you are in the moment. Spend that time when you feel disconnected to look at the world from a different light. Look for the things you don’t want to be, but especially look at the things you strive to achieve. Take time to reevaluate relationships and the things that make you happy. You got where you are for a reason, something made you feel this way. Most important though, is to look inward. You’ll never be happy if you aren’t happy within yourself. I really think that is the key. Find that happiness. Sometimes the journey of finding it will bring it to you.

    Well, that is the deep Aaron for the night. Not sleeping makes you do some heavy soul searching for some reason.

    Take care man and hang in there. If you need anything let me know; I’m always here for ya.

    Aaron

    I got a fever and the only prescription is MORE COWBELL!

  2. I felt this way alot in college when I was at some parties – they’d all be talking about gossip or this guy who did this with that, and I’d just sort of get bored and tune out. It still happens now, like when I go to a teachers’ party – they all complain about school, but since I’m not interested I just tune out.

    I think it really depends on the crowd and where your priorities are. If you’re not interested in the topic of conversation or sick of the small talk, then there’s no way you’re going to make yourself interested.

    So, you could pretend to be in with it and laugh at the jokes an insert random comments, or another idea – pull someone off to the side who’s not particularly involved in the conversation and start talking about something you care about – or take the chance to really get to know them. Who knows? It may turn into a witnessing opportunity or everyone else’s boring conversations could be assimilated into your cool conversation!

    I guess also realizing that it’s more important to be in a single conversation – and to really connect – rather than trying to know everything about every conversation. Sort of like academics – you can spend your time studying a broad range of subjects and know a little bit about everything, or you can focus on a few things and know a lot about a few things. People who know alot about everying may seem smart on the surface, but as soon as you delve deeper, you see that they really know nothing at all. (no offense to anyone, I try to know alot about everything, too, but I realize I really don’t know alot).

  3. Derek — Definitely a good point that you put forth. I don’t know, I guess I just miss college. I miss the conversations with friends and the deep talks that we had at 3 in the morning while walking around the Grounds of UVA, sitting down on the steps of the Rotunda and bearing our hearts and minds, encouraging, edifying and stimulating one another’s minds. I think that’s something attracts me to Venture, however at the same time there is an abstraction layer that seems to exist with both the guys and the girls that is hard to get past, and I suppose you could say that my interests don’t really click with most that are there…

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