Archive for the ‘Life as we know it...’ Category

One of those days…

Tuesday, December 8th, 2009

Yet another day in the life of Dan, working through technical problems and assembling information pieces, all the while listening to music to help ease the mind and get in more of a rhythm. I decided I’d let Apple’s Genius algorithms lead my way through music this morning and based on my music collection and the main selection of Lifesong by Casting Crowns, I ended up with the following playlist:

Name Artist Album
Lifesong Casting Crowns Lifesong
Cry Out to Jesus Third Day Wherever You Are
This Man Jeremy Camp Restored
How Great Is Our God Chris Tomlin Arriving
Wholly Yours David Crowder* Band A Collision
Strong Tower Kutless Strong Tower
Voice Of Truth Casting Crowns Casting Crowns
Word of God Speak MercyMe Spoken For
He Reigns Newsboys Adoration
Here Is Our King David Crowder Band Here Is Our King
Give Me Your Eyes Brandon Heath What If We
Show Me Your Glory Third Day Come Together
Made to Worship Chris Tomlin See the Morning
Walk by Faith Jeremy Camp Stay
Dead Man (Carry Me) Jars of Clay Good Monsters
Never Alone BarlowGirl BarlowGirl
Does Anybody Hear Her Casting Crowns Lifesong
Homesick MercyMe Undone
By Your Side Tenth Avenue North Over and Underneath
Indescribable Chris Tomlin Arriving
We Fall Down Kutless Strong Tower
You Are My King (Amazing Love) Newsboys Adoration
Take You Back Jeremy Camp Restored
If We Are The Body Casting Crowns Casting Crowns
Mountain of God Third Day Wherever You Are

As it ended up, this set was pretty solid in keeping me in line with my technical work and with a pure heart and mind.

Could you pick up and Vanish?

Sunday, November 29th, 2009

This evening I picked up a copy of Wired magazine and decided to spend a bit of time disconnected from the Internet and away from any blinking device that might cause me to stray from keeping focused on something that I’m reading.

The cover story documents the story of Evan Ratliff, a writer that put forth the challenge that he could go off the grid for a month and not be found. In essence I don’t think that this would be that difficult, but as a part of the parameters, Evan checked in with his editor on a regular basis and left a cookie crumb trail for individuals to find him.

All in all, quite an interesting story in which he was able to dodge “hunters” as they would be called throughout the US for 27 days.

The entirety of the story is captured here.

As for me, the only thing that I really learned in all of this was about the Tor Project which allows for the use of relay servers of sorts across the planet to allow for IP address masquerading for less of a technical discussion. Interesting nonetheless on ways to cover your tracks.

One thing to make of note is that Tor will only encrypt your traffic and bounce it through servers if properly configured. If you’ve got a service in the background that reaches back home or to a server to pull information without being configured to go through Tor, your IP address will be known. This would be where netstat -a comes in pretty handy to see how chatty your OS is.

Thanksgiving 2009

Thursday, November 26th, 2009

Just another day in the life of Dan… that’s what I tell myself every morning as I get ready for the day.

It’s been a perplexing year with several life changes and challenges – whether family related, work or things in the social and technical communities that I’m involved with.

Today is Thanksgiving though, the day that we stop and breath and remember how blessed we are in this world. I know that for me, living in the Northern Virginia area I don’t see quite the same economic conditions that seem to exist in other parts of the country. I read articles on BBC, CNN, Fox and Drudge and suddenly see the enormity of the pain and hard times that are affecting others and realize how blessed I am.

I would only ask that on this Thanksgiving day in 2009 that you stop and realize the blessings that have been placed on you and reflect on them.

What’s next…

Thursday, October 15th, 2009

Yet another day passes. I think back to the words of my Mom two weeks after I had my appendix out. The words haunt me in some respects, remembering her ask, “What do you consider to be fun?”

I think for a while and I ponder and maybe even go so far as to pontificate, only to realize that I’m wasting time in my head. It’s about then that I walk out of the house with my bag in tow with my trusty MBP. I hop in the Maxima and just drive. Sometimes to the gym, sometimes to the office building complex that I no longer have an office in. Other times randomly driving around to see the neighborhoods that my Mom wanted to tour in search of a house.

Then there are times where I just hit the road and drive until I realize that I should probably turn around so that I don’t accidently drive to Florida or Ohio.

Why driving? Because it’s a basic task that my mind can run without too much intervention and likewise, allows my mind to process more of the subconscious.

So then I come back to reality and wonder about the fun things of life. I’m still working those out I guess. Not to say that I don’t know what fun is, but it’s definitely intertwined with a lit of other feelings right now that are repressing it. So next time you’re wondering where I am, probably on the road, but why not find out, give me a call and let’s go chat about life.

The Office Wedding – Forever

Friday, October 9th, 2009

If you haven’t seen it yet, definitely check out the Office wedding, part of Season 6, titled Niagara – where Jim and Pam get married. Great place to check it out is over on Fancast.

To me the best part of the episode was with this song…

Where do you find your peace?

Sunday, August 30th, 2009

More often than not, I find myself to have a continual stream of thoughts flowing through my mind as I try to sort out different threads and streams of information and life situations. I see the solution to one ordeal and put it to rest only to have another pop up and quickly execute another defensive maneuver to quell the situation.
In college days a friend that we merely referred to as Doc Fuller mentioned the idea of defragging the mind, letting it sort things out without additional inputs. At the time I didn’t quite understand what he meant in terms of limiting additional inputs, only thinking to myself that it would be beneficial at time to stop running around constantly and taking on additional efforts to help others out.
The world we live within tends to be materialistic in nature – not too surprising considering that we tend to strive after those things that would bring us profit, spoils of some sort (think Pirate spoils, arrrrrgh), influence or carnal gratification. As broken people we tend to seek out one of these hoping to attain peace, though like a sparkler or the phosphorus of a match head, it gleams only momentarily before extinguishing itself.
So how and where do we find peace?
Some would say that peace can be found in a place – I would agree in some respects. Though I would argue that peace is not necessarily in the place, but that it can be conducive to helping one find peace. When the mind is strained in several directions, having inputs and interactions limited may help, however the internal processing of the mind and soul is at capacity such that it can work through thoughts – peace has not been attained, though the mind is slowly working toward that. And yet, I find myself leaving to go to Nashville, TN, Birmingham, AL and Atlanta, GA recently and while there was a great sense of peace being away from the stress of work and family life, peace was not necessarily attained.
Others may quickly jump up and state that peace is a thing.
I started to think this, letting my mind think that a new television or maybe a new car (wow the Maxima sure is a hot car) would bring that peace. Unfortunately such a new item or a toy is merely trading peace for short term contentment. We’ve all been there, excited that the new gadget is on its way via UPS or Fedex, or we’ve looked it up online, done a little research and found the best bargain to quickly go out and procure locally.
Perhaps peace can be found in a person?
I struggle with this myself as someone that is single, thinking to myself that only if I were dating someone then I would have peace. I remember in high school in college friends of the female gender having such a tendency, always looking to date someone rather than being detached. While there is definitely Biblical teaching that would point out that man and woman are meant for one another, helping, assisting and growing one another in the Lord’s teachings, I think that we need to first realize that relationships while they provide someone to lean on do not in and of themselves bring peace. How to deal with this of course is yet another question that can merely be answered in that a significant other may care for you, they in and of themselves as a physical being cannot provide peace.
More recently in the past nine months, I’ve come to the realization that peace is something that is fleeting and can only be attained through the discipline of the mind and the soul. While I have not necessarily become a master of attaining this peace – the fallen nature of man preventing me from maintaining constant focus, I do have to say that meditation on scripture definitely has a way of bringing peace to the soul. Much as Isaiah 26:3 states, “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.” Hopefully this doesn’t sound like some sort of Zen, but at the same time it is quite true, focusing and meditating and remembering He who created us, clarity and focus of mind seem to become evident and the stressors and detracting scenery melt away.
Where do you find your peace?

Written while listening to Break of Reality

Daily ponderings…

Thursday, August 20th, 2009

This past week I took a roadtrip of the Southeast to go to a technology conference (DevLink) and to hang out with some great people (Becky, Cathy, Rob, Eric, Kevin, Laura, Lori, Andrew). It was a blast, very relaxing and uplifting.

I ended up going from Nashville to Birmingham to Atlanta and home again. It provided for a lot of time to listen to music and to just think – something that I’ve need some time to do with the crainess of life. I’ve finally realized (and yes, all of you that have been hitting me over the head, fine, you’ve made your point) that no one is looking after me (‘cept for maybe Mom up in heaven?). In as much, I’m starting to wonder why for so long I’ve worked so hard to care for others, constantly putting them first rather than looking after myself. I’ve let the days slip by one by one, the seasons drifting by like a leaf to the ground, slowly wading downward occasionally caught by an updraft prolonging the inevitable crashing to the surface and being trampled upon.

It’s not that we shouldn’t care for others, we’re commanded in the Bible to love one another. But gaining a little perspective on life and seeing things from 600 miles distance, I realize that most people are very selfish – why should I be the pinata that they’re constantly hitting with a wiffle bat?

Nonetheless, over the past few months I have come to realize more and more the value of life and how we waste it so aimlessly and trivially. I’ve pushed myself out of my regular ways, realizing that I need to embrace life and those that I consider loved ones nearby.

They say you only live once. What will your life’s legacy display? Will you have lived a life worthy of tales or will you look back wishing that you had left a mark only to realize you only be known as the servant of others?

Peace…

Monday, August 10th, 2009

photoSo I’ve been visiting Arlington Cemetery pretty frequently these days, mostly on the weekends since I finally went and applied for a family member pass in person. I’ve been leaving flowers at Mom’s tombstone and always smiling the following week when I return to find that the grounds crew has taken them away. I’ve left a variety of things, from roses to carnations to gerber daisies, trying to mix things up so that there’s always a little something different, perhaps next time I’ll do magnolias. Anyway, I’ve at times wondered when they do the grounds keeping and what they do – do they take flowers that are perfectly good and toss them or do they take only the wilted flowers or are the flowers taken by animals that visit the tombs at night? I see the grounds keepers driving around in their trucks and other golf cart like vehicles, but have never actually been there while they’re doing any of the actually grounds keeping or mowing of grass or anything. I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m probably just not there at the right time of day to see them hard at work keeping the grounds looking magnificent as they do.

photo 5Nevertheless, as I mentioned, I recently took some flowers over to Mom’s tombstone and laid them to rest there. Just a grouping of carnations from the Flower Den flower shop in Annandale, Virginia – okay, so I’ll admit I’m not really sure where this is based on the fact that it’s Bradlick Shopping Center which is on the cusp of Annandale, Alexandria and North Springfield (all within Fairfax County). I continue to go in there to purchase flowers and they always ask me if it’s a different occasion, sooner or later they’ll clue in that it’s always for my Mom’s tomb – unless of course my life suddenly changes and there’s a significant other (okay, rabbit trail, at the moment there isn’t but you never know when God is going to change your life eh?).

photo 6On Sunday afternoon, my Uncle Bobby from Atlanta, GA called to let me know that he had arrived for his visit and if we could go over to Arlington National Cemetery. I told him that I would be glad to take him along, not mentioning that I had left flowers the day prior, but figuring that he would realize as such with the flowers there on the ground next to the tombstone. As we got closer to the tombstone, walking up from behind it, we could see that the flowers had been moved, but we couldn’t really see the flowers. Alas, as we got to the tombstone, we noticed that the flowers were only stems and missing the flower petals and bulb – someone had a good lunch :)

So the lesson learned in all of this was that even though we may leave flowers for Mom, they may only really be around for a day before the deer find them for their next meal.

All in all, I still find this place to be incredibly peaceful. There are the occasional airplanes taking off and landing from Reagan National Airport, but compared to anywhere else on this planet, this seems to be the best place to just go and breathe in some fresh air and let my heart’s guard down to talk.

If you’ve never been to Arlington National Cemetery, I encourage you to go, and check in to see my Mom, she’s in section 64.

Coming back into focus…

Monday, July 13th, 2009

It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything and there’s been a lot of things that keep going through my head. Â I wake up every morning and wonder to myself if things have changed, if perhaps it was all a dream, only to realize that no, it’s reality and that my feet are cold and that I should get out of bed (even though my feet are cold). Â I’ve been fortunate that I’ve been able to keep myself pressing forward, reluctant to let myself fall into a chasm, whether through forcing myself to work out and let my mind process things or through the conversations and fellowship of hanging out with my brother and his family or with my newly adopted SharePoint family (you all know who you are that I’m talking about). Â In all of this, I remember one thing in that while things may seem grim, I continue to see the hope of the Lord Jesus Christ and continue to press forward.

IMG_0740

Last week, I watched one of my favorite movies and one of the lines struck me when I was listening to it. The movie was Hitch which some of you may know as the Will Smith holiday film about love, relationships and integrity. Well, there was one line in particular that really got me.  Hitch’s main client states, “Maybe if my heart stopped beating it wouldn’t hurt so much,” after he ends up thinking that he’ll never see the woman of his dreams again.  I feel the same way at times, but then I realize that if I let my heart stop and I stop feeling the pain and stop living, then I’ve lost.  Without that pain and edge to life, there wouldn’t be a reality and you’d have to ask yourself, what is life to you?  To me it is full of colour and texture, not blandness and darkness.

With all that has happened this year I remind myself that I must continue to step forward on a daily basis, keeping my chin up and eyes pushing forward – it’s what Mom would have wanted right?

As time continues to heal, I thought this picture in particular may remind someone of the hope and love we have in the Lord. Â Slowly but surely the life and warmth of life returns.

What a beautiful memorial…

Saturday, May 16th, 2009

While I wish that Mom was still around, I do think that her grave marker is very precious and dear.  If you’re in Arlington Cemetery anytime soon, go visit and say hi to the most wonderful Mother that I know. 

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You’ll always be my Mother, I’ll always be your son… forever, and ever.